Negative emotions like frustration, unhappiness, and anger are a part of life. They are often thought of as bad or wrong. Yet, these emotions are not bad, they are survival mechanisms. Here’s the million-dollar question: Are you committed to just “surviving” this life with minimal enjoyment and satisfaction?
How much more exciting would life be for you if you didn’t get worried, upset, or angry? How much more pleasurable would situations be if you were feeling good?
Being interested in this subject means your emotions have not been serving you. You’ve probably observed yourself getting upset, frustrated, and angry at inappropriate times. You know life will be significantly better when you eliminate mental suffering. Yet, how on earth do you get rid of these negative emotions? People report, “I feel like my emotions control me, not like I can control my emotions.”
When I tell my clients that negative emotions are optional, many of them tell me that I’m crazy. “I can’t live like an ostrich with my head in the sand!” they say. And they’re right! Ignoring your problems makes no sense at all. Especially when we are having a conversation about being empowered and living life to the fullest!
Metaphorically speaking, when you are at the top of the food chain, you are really living. Think about the lion versus the gazelle. The lion’s strength gives it a different perspective than the gazelle. The lion has no natural enemies, lives a life of relative leisure, and picks it’s meals. The gazelle must stay alert and ready for danger. If you are feeling negative emotions on a regular basis, you’ve been fooled into believing that you are a gazelle and not a lion. And yet, I know you’ve had “lion-like” experiences. For example, when you are living without fear, tough situations seem easier to resolve. When you are feeling calm and at peace, situations don’t get you frustrated. When you know that “All is well” and “You are not in danger,” there is no anxiety. If you haven’t lived it, you’ve seen it in others.
To be attracted to this subject is an indicator that you’ve sensed that something isn’t right in your world. You’ve become aware of your own dysfunction and now you are looking to do something about it. But there is Good News, my friend! Fate has served you well. I’ve spent my entire adult life assisting myself and then others in eliminating the fears, anxieties, and suffering that stop people from living full out…Full Blast…No Holds Barred!
In fact, as you read further, you will discover that you are in a position of power! Right now, you possess the ability to eliminate negativity and start living a delicious and satisfying life! You are in a position to have your life be exactly the way you want it to be. There is only one hurdle that stands between you and an extraordinary life. You’ve been pretending that you are the victim of your circumstances. Try that one on for size. Most people resist that one. It’s okay, resist while you continue reading.
There are two people sitting in an air-conditioned waiting room. They are seated next to each other, on a coach, directly under the air-conditioning vent. As the cold air blows down on them, the person on the left is clearly uncomfortable, while the one the right is smiling. What’s the difference between these two people? How can one be miserable and one be happy as they’re having the exact same experience? It’s their focus. The uncomfortable person is staring directly at the vent wishing it would stop blowing. The other is imagining a hot sunny beach with a cooling breeze. Is either person right or wrong? No. They are just focused on completely different things and therefore having totally different experiences. The question is, “Which experience would you rather have?”
Would you rather be the victim of your circumstances or the creator of your circumstances? When you are feeling that surge of negative emotion, it’s because you’ve narrowed your view to something that contradicts your opinion. You’ve told yourself, “This shouldn’t be.” Please be wary of these words and phrases: “should,” “shouldn’t,” “must,” and “have to.” This type of language creates a reality that makes you susceptible to suffering in all of its forms. You are naturally releasing your rigid opinion of how things “should be” by reading this article. You are discovering that flexibility is essential for happiness. Happiness is essential for having a great life.
Let’s look at some simple ideas that will help you have an amazing life and get you back to feeling good no matter what circumstance you find yourself in. Any corrective action you take to better your life will be more effective when you feel relaxed and at peace. Here are some simple ways to get back to feeling good and eliminating negative emotions.
1. Become aware of the characteristics of negative feelings. Does your stomach tighten? Do you get tension in your neck? Do you clench your teeth? Does your breathing get shallow? Start making a mental list of the symptoms of negative thoughts for yourself.
How many times have you been taken in by your negative emotions? You say something you regret later, you do something mean, or you simply shut down. The goal here is to be empowered regardless of the situation. Therefore, knowing you are about to go down the road of negativity is crucial for redirection.
2. Learn to quickly shift your mind to a list of what you love about your life, your job, your family, your experiences, etc.
For example, a client that I coach is one of the top people on Wall Street. He is well respected and very powerful. Yet, he recently got fired and was totally stunned! During our phone call he was bewildered, frantic, upset, angry, and scared. Because I’ve coached thousands of people through these kinds of situations before, I knew this would turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. To make sure of that result, he was going to have to figure out how to become empowered. Only then could he take appropriate action to rebound from this situation. This is an example of the process that I took him through so he could begin to create solutions from an empowered mental state. Take yourself through the process as you read.
A. When you feel yourself having the symptoms of negative emotions, say to yourself, “I’m choosing this negative feeling by focusing on what dissatisfies me. Now I’m going to choose something that feels good and be the creator of my circumstances.”
B. Ask yourself, “Is there anything in life that I am happy about right now?”
C. Think about a hobby you love.
D. Think about good times you’ve had with your loved ones that were really special.
E. Think about a song that you love. Sing it to yourself or hum it out loud.
(Remember, I’m not asking you to ignore what’s upsetting you or to stick your head in the sand. I’m asking you to get yourself in a more resourceful and empowered state of mind before you act. Dealing with circumstances from a negative state will just attract more of what you don’t want. If you are going to solve problems or situations with negative feelings in the background, you will only be creating more of what made you feel that way. That’s the way the universe works! If you solve issues using negative emotions, you’ll get more of what you don’t want. Okay, back to the process.)
F. Now that you have yourself feeling good again, let’s go in a new direction. Ask yourself, “If there was anything good about this situation, what would it be?”
G. If you’re still resisting, ask, “If I made up something good about this situation, what could I make up that would make me laugh and feel good?”
H. Ask yourself, “If I was someone else looking at this situation, what could I learn from this that would be valuable?”
That should get you moving in the right direction. Remember, you are the creator of your life experience, so make up stuff that empowers you and stop making up things that are disempowering you.
Be cautious about inventing righteous and cynical lessons from your experience like, “I would learn to not deal with such a @%#$ like that ever again!” Remember to check in with your body. How does it feel when you say it?
In less than 30 minutes, my client was seeing himself for who he really was: powerful, resourceful, creative, flexible, and certainly a great asset to any organization he chose to work with. You’ll be happy to know that today he is happier then ever before and his career is more promising then he ever could have imagined!
Remember, your experience of life is how you are feeling. When you feel good, you’ll find yourself saying, “Life is good.” When you feel bad, the opposite is true. Do you want to have an amazing life? Keep changing your perspective until you do. Keep these questions in your wallet or in your purse. When you are gripped by negative emotions, run yourself through the process, get yourself back to feeling good and take effective action to have your life be what you desire! It is your life–no one else is going to make you feel good. It is up to you to be the creator of your experience.