I have many friends who are prominent globally. I just finished dinner with someone whose name you would know. This friend graces many stages with his presence, millions of people adore him, and yet, he feels alone.
I am fascinated with the degree to which people’s power, possessions, accomplishments, and achievements are a reaction to their internal pain. After coaching thousands of people to live in a state of joy now I’ve seen that the biggest obstacle to feeling totally satisfied with now is a person’s fundamental misperception.
A quote from one of my favorite books You2 by Price Pritchet sums it up so well. “Years ago you accepted false conclusions as correct, began to live your life as if those warped ideas about yourself were true and ceased the bold experiment in living that brought you so many breakthrough behaviors as a child.”
My friend innocently drew a false conclusion that he was not loved by his mom or dad or the people that raised him. We all do it in some way or another. We accidentally conclude that we are separate and therefore in danger. Then The Drunk Monkey (my nickname for the mind) takes over and starts protecting us from not being loved, being stupid, being ugly or whatever it might be.
And that’s it. From that point on your life is ordered by this misperception. The more you try to get love, as in my friend’s case, the more lonely you feel. No amount of love or adoration will ever make you feel whole, safe or a part of.
Instead of trying to fill a bottomless pit Drunk Monkey insanity, recognize your feelings of not being lovable, or to being enough, or not fitting in are just unexamined reactions of the mind. They aren’t true. To combat The Drunk Monkey’s misperception, start looking for all the ways that its assumptions aren’t true. Focus on where you are loved, where you are doing your best, or how you do fit in.
In the end, the mind loves to default to the negative. Catch it, and redirect your focus towards things that bring put a smile on your face. The more you practice this simple technique, the easier it gets.
Your mind will protest. It will bring you back to the negative thoughts that it loves to obsess about. The more you see it in action, the more power you have to train it to think differently. It’s like building mental muscle that ensures your thoughts are aligned with the things YOU want to be thinking about… and for my friend, to see that he really is loveable.