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    Home / Blog / People Seem To Love Me, So Why Am I So Lonely?
    Life Coaching

    People Seem To Love Me, So Why Am I So Lonely?

    Matthew FerryBy Matthew FerryOctober 23, 2008Updated:April 11, 20178 Comments3 Mins Read
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    I have many friends who are prominent globally.  I just finished dinner with someone whose name you would know.  This friend graces many stages with his presence, millions of people adore him, and yet, he feels alone.

    I am fascinated with the degree to which people’s power, possessions, accomplishments, and achievements are a reaction to their internal pain.  After coaching thousands of people to live in a state of joy now I’ve seen that the biggest obstacle to feeling totally satisfied with now is a person’s fundamental misperception.

    A quote from one of my favorite books You2 by Price Pritchet sums it up so well.  “Years ago you accepted false conclusions as correct, began to live your life as if those warped ideas about yourself were true and ceased the bold experiment in living that brought you so many breakthrough behaviors as a child.”

    My friend innocently drew a false conclusion that he was not loved by his mom or dad or the people that raised him.  We all do it in some way or another.  We accidentally conclude that we are separate and therefore in danger.  Then The Drunk Monkey (my nickname for the mind) takes over and starts protecting us from not being loved, being stupid, being ugly or whatever it might be.

    And that’s it. From that point on your life is ordered by this misperception.  The more you try to get love, as in my friend’s case, the more lonely you feel.  No amount of love or adoration will ever make you feel whole, safe or a part of.

    Instead of trying to fill a bottomless pit Drunk Monkey insanity, recognize your feelings of not being lovable, or to being enough, or not fitting in are just unexamined reactions of the mind. They aren’t true. To combat The Drunk Monkey’s misperception, start looking for all the ways that its assumptions aren’t true. Focus on where you are loved, where you are doing your best, or how you do fit in.

    In the end, the mind loves to default to the negative. Catch it, and redirect your focus towards things that bring put a smile on your face. The more you practice this simple technique, the easier it gets.

    Your mind will protest. It will bring you back to the negative thoughts that it loves to obsess about. The more you see it in action, the more power you have to train it to think differently. It’s like building mental muscle that ensures your thoughts are aligned with the things YOU want to be thinking about… and for my friend, to see that he really is loveable.

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    Matthew Ferry Matthew Ferry
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    Matthew Ferry
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    Matthew Ferry, is a Spiritual Teacher, Songwriter and Best-Selling Author. For the last 26 years, Matthew Ferry has coached thousands of top performers to achieve Enlightened Prosperity™. His books, videos, audios, songs, meditations and seminars all utilize his street tested methodology called The Rapid Enlightenment Process™. Among his many projects, Ferry manages a blog and spearheads The Ignite Mastermind. Matthew Ferry is also the author of Quiet Mind Epic Life, an Amazon Self Help and Spirituality best-seller in the US, Canada, Australia and Japan. Matthew and his family live in Southern California.

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    8 Comments

    1. debby on October 24, 2008 2:02 pm

      Coming face to face with my drunk money and the techiniques I have learned from just one webinar from Matthew are remarkable and life changing. Can’t wait to learn more.

      Reply
    2. Karen on October 24, 2008 7:38 pm

      Still seeing Blue Butterflies ‘everywhere’!

      If your 15 strategies worked that well, can’t wait to hear the next 5!!

      God Bless~

      Reply
    3. Brian Jeacoma on October 26, 2008 7:25 pm

      that is an interesting story and I never realized the more you look for love the monre lonely you will feel. Good stuff

      Reply
    4. Terry on October 29, 2008 9:45 pm

      yes I would love to have the 5 steps.
      Thank you.
      BTW… I was on your free call the other day and it was awesome.
      Thank you.

      Reply
    5. Robert Parker on October 30, 2008 12:27 pm

      Hi Matthew – FEAR False Emotions Appearing Real) derail many a person – ’tis critical to be able to engage your “observer self” and watch how the DM is messin’ with you – and then laugh at it – really pisses it off ; – )

      thanx

      Bob

      Reply
    6. Krista Simurdak on October 30, 2008 4:39 pm

      Yes, may I have the steps?

      Reply
    7. Jasmin on November 3, 2008 12:51 am

      Reading this entry, I was wanting to share it with a friend who is often feeling lonely these days. I am grateful that I do not feel that so much anymore. Would love the 5 steps. Thanks.

      Reply
    8. Peter on September 7, 2011 12:20 am

      Thanks looking forward to learning the strategies..

      Reply

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    About Matthew Ferry

    Matthew Ferry
    Author: Quiet Mind Epic Life

    Matthew Ferry’s promise is simple: Quiet your mind so you can create an epic life, that is filled with Enlightened Prosperity. His down to earth approach empowers you to rise above the unwanted chatter and negativity of the mind. Matthew says, “When your mind is quiet, you feel profound peace and your life becomes extraordinary. No ashram required.”

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