Back in 2009 I wrote 4 posts that talked about how your inner child messes your life up. I thought it would be a good idea to revisit them all today.
As a coach, I am confronted with this question on a daily basis,
“How can I feel more happiness and peace in my life now?”
The answer is simple but most people don’t like the answer. “Grow up!” Now I’m not trying to be sarcastic or condescending, hear me out on this one. Most people are still utilizing behaviors they learned in kindergarten and on the playground as their tools for success. And guess what? It ain’t workin’.
Your so called “Inner Child” isn’t so inner after all. In fact, it’s quite outer. One of the most important steps towards happiness and peace is giving up the behaviors you adopted as a child in favor of more conscious, responsible and adult solutions.
Here are 19 ways your inner child messes up your life and ensures you don’t experience happiness and peace.
1. Self-pity. Why me? I’m a victim. If life was different, then I would be able to be happy!
2. Jealousy. Being attached to people will make your life miserable. People will do whatever they do and all you can do is manage your promises, commitments and attitude towards them. Managing their behavior will only annoy you.
3. Envy. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) declares, “Now is wrong. It will be better when you have that stuff over there.” You will never arrive. You will never have it all. We coach people who make hundreds of millions of dollars and they still believe that someday it will all be better when they have more stuff.
4. Competitiveness. No one is competing with you. Everyone is trying to get ahead in a world were all the measurements are figments of your imagination. To compete is to say that there is a way you can be a loser. You never lose, you just learn.
5. Temper tantrums. Manipulating people with your anger is something all children learn to do early on. To continue to use it into adulthood is a guaranteed way to create suffering for you and others. Most people will opt to not deal with you. Your life will be small. You may succeed but your life will be small as in shallow.
6. Emotional Outbursts. Same thing as above. If you use this as your way of getting what you want, then you will have a life filled with conflict, struggle, anger and doubt. You will feel lonely your whole life and not really know why.
7. Resentments. If your life is not fulfilling, then this is the number one reason. This is the highest priority of your Inspired Action Coach. When you let go of your resentments, everything in your life gets better, and quick. Standby, I’m going to start uploading some coaching calls where I help people let go of their resentments.
8. Hatred. The Drunk Monkey loves to hate. To hate is to demonstrate that you are in control. To hate is to show the world that you will not be messed with. But there is one problem. You get what you focus on. If you hate, you will bring negative situations upon yourself. Give it up, today.
9. Rivalries. To be in a rivalry means you perceive there is a lack of something. Lack of attention. Lack of recognition. Lack of glory. These are childish misconceptions. You can always get the attention you deserve. To be in a rivalry makes sure that you never feel satisfied, even when you win.
10. Competition. Again. To compete is to fear that there can only be one winner. What you seek is the experience you think winning will give you. Focus on getting that experience and don’t worry about who placed in what order.
11. Seeking the limelight and admiration. The Drunk Monkey is always trying to be the biggest. It believes if it is admired by all, then it will survive longer. It believes if it is admired that it will be able to spread its DNA all over the planet. Aren’t you ready to grow up? You are going to die no matter how popular you are.
12. Willfulness. Isn’t it bizarre how old people display behaviors they developed as 2-year-olds? Willfulness is just a form of righteousness. An addiction to being right. Why? Because The Drunk Monkey believes that being right will help you survive longer. It won’t. It will just make you miserable.
13. Blaming others. To be the victim and not take responsibility is standard protocol for most people. The truth is, you are not always responsible. But that’s not a very powerful place to stand. In the end, there is no blame to be assigned. There is just the experience you are choosing to have.
14. Thwarting responsibility. Related to blaming others. This kindergarten behavior is about declaring yourself powerless. The only powerful thing to do in your life is take responsibility no matter what. The person who takes responsibility has options and power.
15. Making people wrong. This is The Drunk Monkey’s favorite past time. By making people wrong, you get to be right. The Drunk Monkey perceives that by being right, you will somehow win more favor and stay alive longer. Maybe you’ll get the more attractive mate if you are more right then others. Good job, little monkey!
16. Looking for favor. The class clown. The know it all. The helper. The kiss ass. They are all looking for favor. Looking to be more. Seeking the limelight in hopes of being better then others. You will get ahead, have it all and still be live with fear and anger if you don’t let go of the idea that something outside of yourself will give you happiness.
17. Collecting stuff. The Drunk Monkey believes that more stuff means more life. By more life, I mean more prestige, more security and more power. Things do not create any of these effects. I have seen many clients get the $7,000,000 house and instantly think it is too small or not enough. Next they are on to the cars, plane and on and on ad infinitum. What do you think you will accomplish with all your stuff?
18. Showing off. It’s all about winning favor and being special for The Drunk Monkey (your mind/survival mechanism). Apparently The Drunk Monkey believes that if people love and adore it, then it will live longer. It doesn’t happen and eventually you run out of tricks to show off with. Then what do you do? FIND TOOLS TO BE HAPPY NOW. Good thing you are reading this blog.
19. Petulance. Which means feeling unreasonably irritable or ill-tempered. Why do we allow ourselves to go down these dark roads? First of all, no one has ever asked you to question them. Second, you get so much juice from this kind of behavior. You get to control people. You get to manipulate. You get to be the victim. All of which messes your life up.
And that does it. 19 ways your inner child messes up your life. I hope you gained some new awareness from these posts.