Defensive goals have been robbing Kristen and me of the peace and flow we are used to. After our 5.5-month nomadic adventure (March-Mid Aug) we begrudgingly settled back into the suburbs to support my 14-year-old in completing high school.
Ding Dong!! “Begrudgingly” should be your first hint about offensive vs. defensive goals.
Truth is, both Kristen and I were resisting the suburbs because we felt so free and fulfilled on the road, switching things up and living in fun and quirky places.
We are both creatives and contrarians. New, interesting, and different, feeds our souls.
Looking back, I can see now that our resistance to this house and the suburbs put us on defense. And guess what?
– Inspiration… has been a struggle.
– Agitation…it is here more than we like.
– Resistance… it keeps sneaking in and making us grumpy.
– Flow… it’s been a struggle.
Now… It’s not all bad. We are self-aware people. But the hustle and bustle of moving and optimizing this house distracted us from doing what we know to do… connect with our Most Cherished Experience!
In the Enlightened Goal Setting Process, both Kristen and I have identified our Most Cherished Experience, and we were struggling to have that experience in the suburbs. We unconsciously went on defense instead of offense in our new house.
Let me define defensive vs. offensive goals from my perspective.
– Defensive goals are overcoming obstacles and negatives you want to avoid. This is a survival mode. The experience is a struggle and striving to overcome it. Not fun for me.
– Offensive goals strive to achieve something you are eager to create, do, or be. This is a thriving mode. The experience is positive energy and flow. I love that feeling.
Here’s the trippy part.
Offensive and defensive goals are the same exact goals, but with a different context. Defensive goals imply have to, need to, must or should. And the offensive implies want to, get to, or excited to. Same goal. Different context. Vastly different experience.
My antidote to the struggle of a defensive goal is to connect to my Most Cherished Experience and create an offensive context. Same goal, but in a different context, changes the feeling to joy and flow!
That’s the magic of Enlightened Goals Setting. So, that’s what Kristen and I have been doing over the past week. Shifting our context from defense to offense. And it’s working!
There’s still more to do in our new house to feel organized and settled. But we are finally getting into the right context and it feels more aligned and flowing.
If you haven’t tried Enlightened Goal Setting, maybe today is the day. You can search YouTube and watch my full 90 min workshop for free. Or if you are a super nerd like me and you want to deep dive for 6 hours with a group of equally committed people, then join Kristen and I on December 10th in Irvine, Ca. Check out my site for the details matthewferry.com
In the meantime, try shifting your goals from defense to offense.
Author
Matthew Ferry