Yesterday, I revealed one of my favorite contrarian strategies for success: I call it Lowering The Bar.
As a coach for over two decades, I can say with certainty that setting big goals and missing them has become an unchecked epidemic in the US.
Let me tell you why:
- Successful people are willing to put in the work. But secretly they feel defeated when they miss the mark on the goals they set for themselves.
- Successful people conveniently forget that THEY CREATED THE GOAL and then they beat themselves up when they fail to meet or exceed it (reducing their mental well-being, and reducing productivity).
- Successful people inaccurately believe that if they set the bar high they will be inspired to go for it. (For the most part, this is complete crap.)
- Successful people never fully acknowledge their success, fearing that if they do they will not be motivated anymore and will lose their ‘mojo.’
None of this is true. In fact, these phenomena are the fuel behind the frustration, fear, doubt and the mental turbulence plaguing some of the most effective and talented people I know.
I am betting you are plagued by this too.
Can we do a little be honest? Setting a goal that sets you up for failure is insane. Setting goals to do more than you did last time, sounds like a good idea until you realize it’s an arbitrary standard you are holding yourself to. Who said you have to continually make more, do more and be more?
If that’s the way you relate to life, you will die unsatisfied and frustrated. You will never experience the pure joy of being in the moment, satisfied and delighted with every aspect of your life.
Not recommended.
The truth is when I present this strategy, most people recoil at first. It is understandable, given everything we see out there is “dream big!” “go for it!” “increase your production!” ” do more…!”
The drive for more, more, more is literally sucking the creativity, curiosity and mental freedom out of people who have so much to offer, but who have burned the candle at both ends so long, they are spent.
What about you?
Would you be up for Lowering The Bar, and experiencing first-hand the power of this strategy to be more successful now?
Here are some examples of ways that I’ve Lowered the Bar, and reaped the incredible rewards of accomplishment and satisfaction (which in turn fueled my sense of joy, happiness, and fulfillment)!
Meditation: Instead of forcing myself to meditate for 30 to 60 minutes a day like I wanted to, I Lowered The Bar and committed to 1 minute a day. Three long breathes. That was my standard. Over time, the sense of accomplishment I gained from lowering the bar caused me to start meditating for hours on end when my schedule allowed. All in all, I had a streak of well over 700 days of hitting my one minute standard for meditation. Yeah, baby!
Yoga: I’d been missing yoga but wasn’t able to make it to class as often as I wanted and it was starting to bum me out. Lowering The Bar to the rescue! What did I do? I made a promise to myself to do 8 minutes. Just 8 minutes before bed. What a difference in my mindset! Today my streak is going strong. I am feeling great, accomplished and eager to hit my yoga goal every night. (One night I was exhausted, but I promised to keep my promise. I went over to the mat and got into Shavasana – known as the corpse pose – where you lay flat on your back. Since I gave myself permission to do Shavasana for 8 minutes, suddenly I got the energy to do a few poses. Lowering The Bar worked again!)
Finances: Kristen and I decided to massively Lower The Bar on our cost of living. We live a pretty big life, and over the past 9 months, we’ve systematically Lowered The Bar on all kinds of things. First, we got rid of a car, massively cutting our expenses. Now, when Kristen gets into our 2015 Kia Minivan she smiles a how cheap it is to lease, maintain and insure. We loved the Mercedes GL 450. But we really love the Kia!
(Contrarian Update: Our goal is to have no car in 2 years and 3 months when the Kia lease is up. Lowering The Bar again!)
Housing: Last summer we massively Lowered The Bar on our housing. Look, we live in a great house. And, by moving 10 minutes “out” we saved one-third on our monthly housing AND cut our electric and other utilities… Some by half. By releasing our attachment to living in a certain neighborhood, we Lowered The Bar on what it costs to run our lives. Today we get so much inspiration from not having to work so darn hard to cover our nut. The result? Now that we are both feeling better about our finances, things are flowing financially. That’s not to say that we don’t have financial challenges. We do. And, by Lowering The Bar, we eliminated the unconscious stress that came from having to drive, push and work to make it all work.
These are just a few of the moves which have created a profound sense of accomplishment in our lives.
In a nutshell: Accomplishment breeds accomplishment. Satisfaction breeds satisfaction. You get what you focus on.
If you focus on “hot dang, I hit my goal again!” after doing 8 minutes of yoga, you will benefit from a surge of accomplishment energy.
If instead, you focus on what you didn’t do. “Damn it! I didn’t make it to yoga, again!” you will suffer needlessly at the effect of your own goal setting madness.
Thinking you can mentally beat yourself and feel better about your goals is like squeezing an orange and expecting lemonade to come out. Illogical and slightly insane.
Look, I want you to have an amazing life – whatever that means for you.
Today I encourage you to STOP setting such big goals. Cut it out. Lower The Bar, and celebrate the victories in your life over and over and over. What you’ll discover is that in the process you begin to achieve more simply because you are in a feel good, motivated and accomplished state.
It’s the fastest way to be more successful, now!
I highly recommend it.
22 Comments
Thank you, Matthew! I was feeling exhausted at trying to accomplish large amounts of goals and in the end feeling bad about it. I will definitely take your advice for this! :o)
Make sure you keep lowering the bar until you can perform/achieve on a regular basis. You want to get the happiness hit that comes from perseverance.
Awesome, and effective way to approach things. Thank you
Thanks Robin! Hope you will employ this idea and put it to the test.
Wow Matthew. Just wow. Crazy, I actually felt a physical sense of relief reading this, LOL!
It just makes so much sense on so many levels. Especially since I have gotten in the habit of just about avoiding setting any goals so I don’t have to be upset with myself for not achieving them. Like, how unproductive is that?
I want to meditate. And I can meditate for 1 minute for sure! But I would never have thought of doing just that minute until I saw your example…thank you for your gift – your ability to make the seemingly impossible, seem so easily possible.
Michelle, I’m so happy that you are feeling that relief. That was my goal. I’m wondering if you could lower the bar even more and just do three long-held breaths. After you take those breaths, then you can decide if you want to go longer. Keep lowering the bar until you can do it every day no matter what happens. This will invoke one of the 10 forms of happiness, “Perseverance” I’m going to write something about that soon.
Excellent post, Matthew! Thank you for this perspective. Today I will begin lowering the bar with my meditation intention.
Do it, Tom! It will blow your mind. Don’t make yourself wrong if you only do a minute of meditation for months on end. At some point, a breakthrough will occur. I have found the key is to stick to it no matter what… and to lower the bar until I CAN stick to it no matter what.
With my yoga practice, 8 minutes seems to be the magic number. I have this little routine that I do. I start a soothing song on my iPhone that is 8:13 long. I do yoga until that song is done. But usually, I am feeling so good by this time I do 2, 3 or even 4 more songs.
Wow, how is it that you always come up with what I need to hear at the right time. I feel completely broken right now in every aspect of my life and definitely need to lower the bar.
Thanks Matthew.
Geny make sure you lower the bar on any place you are feeling broken. Then just enjoy the very very very small goal achievement.
Thank you Matthew, the pressure of hitting the monthly goals, and followed the wrong advice from the past of actually do the opposite and higher the bar has put up so much pressure, now I see with clarity that that is exactly what it’s sabotaging my success and not acknowledging my successes which had been pretty amazing has kept me feeling unhappy and I satisfied
Flora I am so glad you are going to lower the bar and feel more peace! Keep me in the loop.
Thank you a ton Matthew for your leadership and deep insights.
Every comment made here with your proven replies are valued.
God bless you and Kristen along with the children.
Have a wonderful day!
Gary, thanks for the kudos! Kristen and I are pulled to help, support and uplift in this way. Thanks for acknowledging the difference we are making.
So, I have been on this coaching tread mill that I don’t ever measure up to. I can’t wait till it ends in the fall and I can get out of the contract. The goals that I set and get coached on just makes me feel bad. I am good at what I do, however, when I finish with a coaching call I feel like a looser. I want to rebel on everything that I know would move my business forward. Why is that? I have been told that I am just not “Business Mature”. I have been in my industry for 29 years. Your approach to lowering the bar gave me such a sense of peace. I think you… you are a gift to all of us. Thank you Matthew.
Lisa, you deserve to feel good about your goals! There is no reason to feel bad about them. The Drunk Monkey creates arbitrary standards that don’t exist and when we don’t measure up we feel bad. But with a closer look, you see that everything The Drunk Monkey does is about survival. Achieving your goals won’t create more survival… they create thriving. Therefore, each goal should be approached with joy.
Everything has been said, and I simply agree. This post has been so enlightening. I can’t wait to start lowering the bar and get on with my life. Just hoping I can size down on the possessions like I have felt the need for many years.
Thank you Matthew. Watched you for many years on stage with Mike.
Keep me in the loop Michelle!
Matthew: Thanks for being truthful and realistic about setting goals you can achieve. Then build on them but by reaching the goals you feel a deep sense of satisfaction rather than beating yourself up which never helps.
Appreciate the Wisdom. Which leads to deeper peace and joy in life. The here and now.
Thanks Allan!!
Matthew
This is a relief in knowing that you can move forth in a positive way by being aware and knowing that one can and most likely want to do more by this technique ..I like it
It feels so good!!