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    Home / Blog / What to do When You React Negatively to the People You Love
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    What to do When You React Negatively to the People You Love

    Matthew FerryBy Matthew FerryFebruary 21, 2011Updated:April 10, 2017No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Recently, one of my clients wrote to me with the question, “What do I do, when I find myself reacting negatively to the people that I love?”

    And I start by saying, let’s define love. I say that love is acceptance, total and complete acceptance of all people and all situations, at all times. Now, that’s not easy to attain. Why? Because we have built-in reactions that occur, and I think my client put it so succinctly, “I find myself reacting negatively to the people that I love.”

    You’ve got to start to look at what you are holding people accountable to. If you’re reacting negatively to someone, it’s because you think that they should behave differently than what you’re getting from them. And if you think they should behave differently, then you’re holding them accountable to something that they never signed up for. So you’ve got to identify these “rules” that you’re holding people too.

    If you’re reacting negatively to someone, it’s because you think that they should behave differently than what you’re getting from them. And if you think they should behave differently, then you’re holding them accountable to something that they never signed up for. So you’ve got to identify these “rules” that you’re holding people too.

    The second thing that you want to look at is what’s triggering you.

    Why are you allowing The Drunk Monkey in your head to run the show? When I get triggered, I take a deep breath, and I say, “What’s triggering me right now? Am I feeling like I’m going to lose something? Do I feel like I’m going to somehow be embarrassed? Is there something making me feel like I’m going to get hurt in the future?” You need to think about these things because none of those things are true.

    You’re not going to be embarrassed by other people’s behavior. Now, you might allow yourself to be in a situation where you say, “That person shouldn’t behave like that, and it’s affecting me,” but it’s only because you’re allowing yourself to do that.

    When they behave however they behave, it doesn’t reflect on you, per se.  And if in some way, it cast a shadow on you, through your communication you can dissolve it and you can create a new way for people to see you.

    So, ultimately, you’ve got to look at what standards you are holding people accountable to and what is it exactly that you’re reacting to. And if you can see those two things, wow, you can let it go very, very quickly.

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      Matthew Ferry
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    Matthew Ferry, is a Spiritual Teacher, Songwriter and Best-Selling Author. For the last 26 years, Matthew Ferry has coached thousands of top performers to achieve Enlightened Prosperity™. His books, videos, audios, songs, meditations and seminars all utilize his street tested methodology called The Rapid Enlightenment Process™. Among his many projects, Ferry manages a blog and spearheads The Ignite Mastermind. Matthew Ferry is also the author of Quiet Mind Epic Life, an Amazon Self Help and Spirituality best-seller in the US, Canada, Australia and Japan. Matthew and his family live in Southern California.

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    Matthew Ferry
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    Matthew Ferry’s promise is simple: Quiet your mind so you can create an epic life, that is filled with Enlightened Prosperity. His down to earth approach empowers you to rise above the unwanted chatter and negativity of the mind. Matthew says, “When your mind is quiet, you feel profound peace and your life becomes extraordinary. No ashram required.”

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