[Forgiveness] 5 Steps To Clean Up Any Relationship

Any time your world isn’t working, look at the relationships in your life.  Any time your life seems stuck, look at your relationships with people.  If you can’t seem to get motivated to take action, examine which relationships are working and which are not.  As an Inspired Action Coach, I have seen thousands of people down in the dumps and not taking action on their dreams.  The number one reason is discontent in relationships with others.

Sounds weird but it really isn’t.  If you got really honest about your life, you would come to realize that relationships are the cornerstone to everything you do.  If you didn’t have people in your life, you would not be able to do, be or have most of the stuff you enjoy.  Don’t believe me.  Take the single most fulfilling aspect of your life and remove all the people involved.  How fulfilling is it now?

All power is in relationship to others.  The more people who love you, appreciate you, think good thoughts about you, the more power you have.  Therefore, any time you are feeling stuck, look at your relationships.

What Makes Your Relationships With Others Not Work?

1.  Holding people accountable to agreements that they did not make.  So, who in your life are you disappointed with?  Who is not living up to your expectations?  Who is not doing what they are supposed to do?  Who just doesn’t get it?

Consider that these people don’t even realize that they are breaking your expectations because they never agreed to the accountability that you are up-holding.  Do you have a handshake?  Do you have a verbal, “Yes!  You can count on me for that!”  Do you have a written agreement?  If we are talking about your parents, siblings, lover, children, friends or neighbors then I highly doubt you have any confirmed agreement.

Consider you are holding people accountable to your standards, beliefs and principles. Obviously, you are the all seeing, all knowing lord of the universe and everyone should do as you say. Clearly you are right and all others are wrong.  It’s time to give that up!

While you believe you are experiencing broken expectations, 99% of the time it’s totally unfounded.  When you are experiencing broken expectation, you are causing yourself to suffer unnecessarily.  It slows you down.  It clutters your mind.  It makes you less productive.  It takes up mental real estate.  Give it up!

5 Steps To Clean Up Any Relationship

1.  Forgive them.  Why?  Because your life sucks when you don’t.  Socrates said it back in the day, “People are always doing the best they can”.  Jesus said it old school style, “Forgive them, father they know not what they do.”  Your friends and family are just doing the best they can in the moment given their point of view a limited perception.  99% of the time they had never agreed to do what you wanted them to do.  Give it up so you can move on with power.  Put yourself in their shoes.  See it from their point of view.

Important Rule:  Don’t tell them that you forgive them.  It’s weird and it’s not important.  Just let it go and forgive them and watch what happens.  You will likely witness for the first time in your life that your perception determines a person’s behavior.  Just forgiving them will shift who they are.

2.  Ask for forgiveness.  Just recognize that people are doing the best they can.  Honor that you are a judging and assessing jerk who accidentally hallucinated that all human beings should comply to your model of behavior and belief.  This is where the conversation begins.  “I owe you an apology.”

3.  Ask for feedback.  Ask, “What have you been trying to tell me that I haven’t been letting you say?”  Just listen without comment.  The only feedback you provide is acknowledgment for being honest and opening up.  This will help you to see their point of view which will help you understand why they behave in ways that contradict your opinion.

4.  Acknowledge them, appreciate them and thank them for everything you can think of.  Think of your entire relationship and acknowledge them for all the good things you can think of.

5.  Tell them what you are committed to in the relationship now.  Tell them who you are going to be and not be.

As a life coach, I’ve taught this process to tens of thousands of powerful people just like you.  To be reading this sentence means you had the courage to read the above sentences.  That tells me that you are a person of strength, courage and wisdom.  Now go out and clean up any resentment, anger and broken expectations.  Your life will instantly get better.

Author

Matthew Ferry