If you are feeling stuck and want to increase your effectiveness, then my Releasing Attachment Exercise is for you.
Do this process when you are annoyed, scared, agitated or feeling like things just aren’t going your way.
Here are the steps to release your attachment to an outcome that you are afraid of losing, like a project or a deal.
I teach all my top clients this strategy to ensure they stay mentally strong, no matter what.
#1 What are you afraid of losing?
Attachment is the exaggerated fear of losing a positive benefit. You get attached to your exaggeration and stop dealing with reality.
To take back control, you have to learn to create a new context for the situation.
To see it for what it is, rather than the exaggeration.
#2 How will losing the benefit actually affect you without the exaggeration?
Think it through.
Really get honest. If the worst happens. What is the real impact?
The money? People’s respect? Time?
If you lose a client or a project fails, are you afraid that you will have nothing and now you have to start over?
Are you afraid of losing money? Paying your bills? Going broke?
Be honest with yourself. Really uncover what you are afraid of losing.
#3 Make peace with the loss.
Is your mind saying something like “It’s my only hope!” or “I’ll die without this…”?
Remember, that’s not actually true. That’s an exaggeration.
In reality, you keep getting more opportunities.
Look at how many deals, clients, projects, and paychecks you’ve gotten over the years.
So this position your mind has taken is false.
“I’ve invested all this time, I have to get something out of it or I’ve wasted my time”
That’s not true either.
In fact, you ARE wasting your time not accepting the situation as it is.
When you make peace with the loss you have the flexibility to take new action.
#4 How is this fear of loss an exaggeration?
Think it through.
Let’s say you lost a problematic client you’ve invested time in.
What do you gain?
More time, less stress, more freedom, clear head, energy to find someone else. Plus you stop feeling out of control.
What do you actually have to deal with here?
- You have to deal with the loss of income.
- You have to admit it was a waste and deal with the sting of that.
- You have to face the reality of generating something new.
I know you can deal with these losses.
Think it through… Your fear is an exaggeration.
Really get honest. If the worst happens, what is the real impact?
You have to create a new way to get the outcome you want. You may have to hustle.
Ok, nothing wrong with hustle, right?
Answer these questions…
Will you learn from this experience?
Will you ask more questions next time?
Will you have more information when you start again?
#5 What are you actually committed to?
Take a moment and think about it.
Aren’t you committed to your business?
Haven’t you been through ups and downs before?
Sure you have.
Make a list of some of the qualities you want that you thought this thing would bring.
Once you do that, you can start focusing on what you want, free of the “failure” of things not going your way this time.
Bottom line…
Your mind gets attached to results and benefits that it hallucinates. If you can catch it making up stories and exaggerating, then you can make a choice.
Don’t be at the mercy of your mind. Increase your effectiveness by releasing your attachments, and keeping your eye on taking focused action.
Author
Matthew Ferry