The Drunk Monkey is definitely running your relationship if you are saying, “I love him, but – ” “I love her, but I wish she would – ”
You see, what The Drunk Monkey says is “If my partner was more like me – if my partner did life the way that I thought they should do life, well, then they’d be much better.”
You were conditioned to believe that your way of being in a relationship is the right way. You were conditioned, like a dog – pee over here. Poop over there. Do this. Say that. Walk like this. Talk like that. You didn’t make your own choices about who you were going to be. And yet you demand that your partner make the same choices as you.
Consider that if you don’t accept someone exactly as they are, you don’t actually love them. Consider you’re trying to change them. Changing someone is not loving them. Loving them is letting them be exactly who they are, as well as all the things that they’re not. Stop holding people accountable to agreements that they never made, and your life coaching is going to get so much easier.
Author
Matthew Ferry